Tag Archive for: charlotte children’s cancer foundation

Looking Back: 4th Annual Isabella Santos Award

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Caring. Compassionate. Leader. At the end of March we will be giving away the 5th Annual Isabella Santos Award.  Each year we recognize someone in the community who lives a life with the same dreams and aspirations as Isabella and who is trying to make a difference in the world.  Help us celebrate the past winners over the next week.

4th Annual ISF Award, Susan Sears (2015)

Susan is very well known in the Charlotte Community. Not only has she done so much for us at The Isabella Santos Foundation, but she also dedicates herself to many other great organizations like Go Jen Go, Komen Race for the Cure and Girls on the Run. Susan does everything with heart and with passion and puts in 110% to each cause she feels drawn to. A few years ago, we were lucky enough to gain her interest and a part of her heart. When we reached out to the people Susan works closely with in our community- the feedback we got was incredible. It is no surprise that they all love her as much as we do!

“She allows her heart to guide her actions, and in today’s world, that makes her extraordinary. She loved Jen and Jen’s fight and vowed to make a difference in our community. She has certainly made a difference in our lives and we are honored to have her in our ranks!” – Britt Yett, Go Jen Go

” She has been one of my first calls when I needed someone who would come in and make a difference. She is soft spoken but able to move mountains. We need leaders who are willing to go the extra mile, and Susan is always willing to answer the call” – Park Williams with Komen for a Cure

It goes without saying that our entire ISF team can personally attest to her passion as well. She has helped with our 5k for Kids Cancer, runs with our dream team, ran the NYC marathon to help honor Isabella, attends many events we have and is a consistent volunteer and supporter whenever she is called upon. She is truly remarkable.

The same inspirational qualities that we knew in Isabella, also shine in Susan. She has a way about her that is genuine, inviting and kind and we know without a doubt that Isabella would have adored her and they would have been lifelong friends.

Looking Back: 3rd Annual Isabella Santos Award

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Caring. Compassionate. Leader. At the end of March we will be giving away the 5th Annual Isabella Santos Award.  Each year we recognize someone in the community who lives a life with the same dreams and aspirations as Isabella and who is trying to make a difference in the world.  Help us celebrate the past winners over the next week.

3rd Annual ISF Award, Emily Ratliff (2015)

Erin Santos & Emily Ratliff

In May, 2011, Emily Ratliff’s life was turned upside down when her daughter, Claire, was diagnosed with Stage 4 Neuroblastoma. Just eight short months later, on January 17, 2012, Emily and her husband, Kevin, would suffer an even greater tragedy, the loss of Claire at the tender age of 2 years, 4 months.

Having grown up in Charlotte, the Ratliffs had lots of friends and family close by, who provided much needed support for the Ratliffs while Claire was going through treatment. That network of family, friends and neighbors quickly became known as Claire’s “Army.”  Although the Ratliffs had lots of support, the Ratliffs also encountered many families who did not have that kind of network/support or who were coming to the Charlotte area hospitals for treatment, far away from their friends and family back home.

As Emily grieved the loss of her own child, it began weighing on her heart and mind that she needed to do something to help other families going through the pediatric cancer nightmare.  From Emily’s heart and vision, the nonprofit organization, Claire’s Army, Inc. was established, with the goal of providing pediatric cancer families with an “army” who will support them just as Claire’s Army had during her fight.

Emily Ratliff and her father, Larry

But it is not just her work through Claire’s Army that keeps Emily connected to the pediatric cancer community.  Emily gives of herself more than her peers in one other huge way—her job.   After Claire passed away, Emily became a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) and works on the very floor of the hospital where Claire was treated, assisting other families going through cancer treatment.  Given the de minimus salary of CNAs, it is clear that Emily chose her career field with her servant’s heart and selfless spirit.   Emily’s sweet, quiet, and compassionate demeanor is certainly a comfort to anyone who has the privilege of encountering her.

Emily Ratliff inspires others because she took the most painful event of her life, looked for ways to serve and support other families going through similar circumstances in her community, and then delivered in a big way.  Emily is an incredible role model for all to follow.  Even young children have been inspired by Emily’s vision for serving families fighting pediatric cancer.  For example, kids have donated all of their birthday gifts to children who are in the hospital through Claire’s army or hosted lemonade stands or bake sales and sent the profits to Claire’s Army to help other kids or hosted blood drives through their schools.  Despite her busy schedule of juggling family, work and a nonprofit organization, Emily still takes time to personally write these kids and thank them for their support for pediatric cancer families.

Emily works through the social workers and child life specialists at Novant Hospital to find out what the families’ needs are and then diligently works to fulfill those needs.  To the extent that the need is not something that the Army can fulfill, Emily sets out on a course to work other connections as hard as she can to make sure the need is fulfilled.  Emily never gives up fighting when she believes there is a way to make something happen.

Claire’s Army mission is to support families fighting childhood cancer.  Visit Claire’s Army website today to see how you can help out.

Why We Haven’t Touched It

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Written by Erin Santos, Isabella’s Mommy & President of The Isabella Santos Foundation

Day 10
Why we haven’t touched it…

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She barely lived in it. It’s been vacant for 3 years now. I remember her helping paint the walls pink and purple stripes. The rollers were so big she could barely hold them up. She got her new white furniture with a side table, dresser and desk for all that homework that she had planned to do. Truth is, I can barely remember her sleeping in there. So many times she would end up in our bed due to sickness or if Stuart was traveling, not to mention all the nights in the hospital. If she slept in there one hundred nights I would be surprised.
But the room is all her. Her pajamas are still in the drawers, her dresses still hang in the closet and her shoes are still waiting to be worn. Her dresser is covered with pictures of her best friends, her family and “get well soon” cards from classmates. The bookshelves have her library books that I’m sure the Elementary school as decided not to ask for. Her desk is filled with drawings and notes that were never finished. There are beaded necklaces that we made in the hospital, seashells she collected, diaries with kittens on them and Taylor Swift CDs in every drawer you open. I have still not gone through it all because I’m always afraid of what I will find. Last year I found a Mother’s Day craft she made me at school just a month before she died that she never gave to me. That is when I just decided to close things up for awhile.


There are books out there for everything these days when it deals with children. “What to expect when you are expecting” was supposed to be the roadmap for pregnancy to follow. Where is the book on “What to expect when you aren’t expecting?” Where is the manual for parents on how to deal with things like this? I need a roadmap and here are some things I need to know…


1. What do I do with her clothes and when do I start to actually do something with them? Do I make her clothes into blankets and give them to people? Is that creepy?
2. What do I keep and what is junk? Do I keep everything that she ever wrote on? If I throw it away will I regret I did that?
3. How long do I keep this room going like this? Am I supposed to have a little girl’s twin bed in there forever?
4. If I make her room something else, what do I do with it? If I make it into another guest bedroom will people be wigged out sleeping in there? Feels even more disrespectful to make it into an office or something.
5. What do I do with her furniture? Is that another thing I will get rid of and then regret I got rid of it? I keep finding places on her furniture that she actually wrote her name on. Seriously?
6. Do I put her stuff in storage?
7. When do I do all of this? At what point is it okay to have her room still the same, and at what point does it become creepy? When will people start saying, “I think it’s time they did something with that room.” I definitely want to do something with it before that conversation starts happening.


All these counselors will tell you that this stuff should be done whenever you are ready. There is no timeframe that should occur. But there has got to be. There is definitely a line out there in the universe that you cross too soon or too late. It still feels too soon to me because every season I think I can tackle clothing and I just crumble. But, I know it all can’t stay like that forever. It eventually will need to be tackled, just not sure on the rules for this stuff.

-Isabella’s mommy


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Why I am Not a Nut Job

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Written by Erin Santos, Isabella’s Mommy & President of The Isabella Santos Foundation

DAy 9Day 9
Why I’m not a nut job…

September comes around and I feel the urge to write. There is so much stuff out there written this month for Childhood Cancer Awareness month. Some of it applies to my situation, but some of it doesn’t. Some of it is weird. Hell, my writings are probably weird. But they are relevant to me because they are my life stories. However, they are not my every day life stories.

I get to log in and see all the great comments of Facebook when we push these blogs. Everyone is so positive and supportive on each of my posts. One common theme though seems to be worry about my mental state. I get it. I realize that I must sounds like a complete nut job in these posts. Truth is though; these posts represent about 5% of what is going on my brain. I just pull them out this month and talk about them openly with total strangers. Okay, maybe that is a little bit of nut job behavior.

Every day I am honestly just living my life. There are plenty of days that go by where I don’t think about the horrible movie I was in. I’m like most of you who think about work, or what the kids have going on today, or where I left those expensive pair of jeans I just bought, or which guy the Bachelorette is going to end up with. I’m able to walk by her room without thinking too much about either. Her room has been vacant now for 3 years, which is longer than she even lived in it. Sophia is growing out of the last remaining bit of her clothes, so unless I’m looking for something specific, her items are finally being filled away.

I’ve even seen her pictures so many times through the Foundation that they are beginning to seem like those pictures that come free in frames of people laughing and enjoying their lives. I have to remind myself that it is Isabella in that photo or better yet her and I in that photo, otherwise I tend to walk right past it. The only pictures that get me are the ones that catch me off guard that I have never seen or forget that I took. Those rattle me.

When you see me out and about, I look normal. I act normal. I seem normal. Actually, I’m starting to feel normal. I know the times of year when I can be a nut job and I tend to keep those days very hidden from the public. Her birthday is hard; the day she passed away seems even harder. Holidays are getting easier. I find that I even hide out less at the race; I’m actually out mingling with the masses. Where as years ago, I was hiding under the silent auction tables. ☺

I think my every day grief has presented itself in the form of little ticks I have. Loud noises, high anxiety and losing the need to have people or touch in my life. I’m a little closed off, I don’t like to meet new people and I’m incapable of small talk. I crave being alone and could days without talking to anyone. But honestly, I think those are just issues that I’m developing as I’m getting older. Not sure if those have much to do with grief. That’s just normal Erin nut job stuff.

So while it may seem that I’m about to jump off a cliff during these posts, just know that it’s a moment in time for me and I’m really just sitting here on Facebook, eating a turkey sandwich still in my pajamas like the rest of you.

-Isabella’s mommy

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Why I Regret It

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Written by Erin Santos, Isabella’s Mommy & President of The Isabella Santos Foundation

Day 8 QuoteDay 8
Why I regret it…

How do you make a decision on remains? How do you make a decision on a child’s remains? Questions like these are horrible and they are ones I never thought I would be making at the age of 35. The truth is, there is no right decision. I think that I made the decision based off what I wanted for myself. I had to think that when I’m gone, I’m gone. Light me up, put me in some box (hopefully a decent looking one), and take me to a beautiful place. Let the wind carry my ashes and scatter me somewhere I love. I don’t want to be put in a box in the ground and decay with the bugs. I especially don’t want to be put in some marble kitchen counter top looking apartment home for ashes. Creep. Out.

But when it’s your child, you just can’t do that.

There is no discussion with them on what their wishes are. Their only wish is not to die. They can’t grasp the concept that someone is doing something with you when you die. To them, people are just gone. Grant and Sophia still don’t really know what is going on behind that name plate when we visit her. Lots of questions like, “How did she get in there?” or “Who are all these people with her?” “How can they all fit in there?” Sophia still tries to peer into the holes and walks around it like it’s some magician’s table that has a trap door somewhere. Eventually we are going to have a horrible discussion with them on what actually happened. I don’t think it’s going to be pretty. I can’t imagine they are going to be comfortable with what we decided, and it may truthfully scare the shit out of them – or even worse – they’ll hate us for it.

I’m not really sure if we had another good option. I just could NOT pick out a casket. So much of that seems worse. Maybe it was all those years of watching Six Feet Under on HBO that wigged me out about the whole death process. Or those horror movies about people being buried alive. People have nightmares about that, right? Although I have to say that watching someone get burned alive on Game of Thrones makes me want to sob like a baby. Why did I do that to her?

Sometimes I miss her so much that I think about taking her box from the Calvary cemetery and hiding it in my house; just so I know she is here with us. I wouldn’t tell my family, it would be my little secret. Jesus, I sound like a nutcase. I really only thought about this once last Christmas, and I eventually would have put her back…I think.

By cremating her, I have lost the chance to ever lay with her. But really, what am I going to do? Bring a blanket and pillow out there? Do I think I’m going to bring a picnic lunch and sit out there on top of where she is? This is the really sick shit that goes through my mind sometimes! At least I would know that she was under me though. For some reason that brings me comfort.

I felt like I knew the right thing to do, so that is what we did…and now I regret it. Somehow I feel like if we chose the other path, we would have regretted that too. Point of the story is there is probably no right way to handle a child’s death. Her entire journey was a series of split second decisions you have to make and then deal with the repercussions of it your entire life.

I wish I could have been making other decisions like what color to paint my kitchen, or if I should check out that new Meryl Streep movie or wait till it comes out on RedBox. Instead, I’m in my 30s and deciding on how to ultimately end a child’s existence. That is some F’d up shit right there.

-Isabella’s mommy

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