Why New York Was Our Home…

Day 11

Why New York was our home…

I have to be honest; the thought of treatment in New York was exciting to me initially. Not only were we going to get the best treatment available, but we were also going to have an amazing experience in the process. I had to been to New York a couple of times but the thought of going there with a child, let alone a sick child – had me a little nervous. Do they have car seats in cabs? Will I be able to get around the city with her? Will the germs and crowds of New York make things dangerous for her? And most importantly, what will Isabella think of New York?

It took some time to get settled. The hospital was huge and a little cold to outsiders. The families in the hospital ran in clicks based off backgrounds and religion. Even the Ronald McDonald House dining room was separated by groups of families that had history together. We were definitely outsiders in this city and we could feel it.

This separation within the world of cancer in New York didn’t stop us one bit. Because we were loners, we took it upon ourselves to take in everything we could in the city. Chemo was given in a backpack so she and I would strap in and explore the world around us. We would spend days as I pushed her in the stroller to Central Park, Grand Central Station, Times Square, Bloomingdales, the American Girl store, you name it. We weren’t afraid of anything. We rode the subways and she hailed cabs. We visited the Statue of Liberty, Rockefeller Center, Ground Zero and lit candles in St. Michaels Cathedral. If there was something to see, we saw it.

We met amazing people in New York and developed our own little New York posse. We had people to eat dinner with; people to grab coffee with and even people that would sit with Isabella if one of us needed a minute to ourselves. Isabella loved the people we met and considered them part of her family.

For three months during a brain relapse, we sublet an apartment on 86^th street by Gracie Mansion and called New York our home. We were on one of the highest floors and had an amazing view of the city. I specifically remember being there one September 11^th and seeing the lights of the twin tower shining up in the sky as Isabella and Grant pressed their noses against the glass in awe. We watched all the documentaries on the couch and everything had a different feel to it now that it happened in “our city”. We made sure to make our way down to Ground Zero that week and spoke about it best we could with Isabella. It was so hard for her to understand. But, it wasn’t the first or last time she was exposed to tragedy and adult situations.

New York was such an amazing city for us because it provided her with the memories that clouded the pain. Nothing we did mattered during the day as long as we could go the American Girl Store and buy a new outfit for her doll. We would try on shoes at Bloomingdales, grab bags of candy from Dylan’s Candy bar and eat at our little pizza place around the corner where they knew Isabella. After dinner we would take stroller rides around before bed and take in the city around us until she fell asleep. These walks would allow us, if even for a minute to forget was happened that day, or what was in store for us that next morning. We found so much comfort in our new home, despite what we were going through.

New York was a gift to us during all the horrible years of tragedy. It’s hard for us to go back because everywhere we turn is a memory of her. We want Grant and Sophia to experience it just as Isabella did and plan to bring them there over Christmas to see the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center and see the Rockettes, just as we did with her. We want them to love the city and know that their sister grew up here, she was a New Yorker and we will always refer to it as one of our homes.

-Isabella’s mommy
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