Just one more minute to tell her how grateful I am…

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June marks a significant date as it is the month that Isabella lost her fight to neuroblastoma. This year will be 5 years since we lost her to this horrible disease on June 28th, 2012. The Santos family has been through their ups and downs in dealing with losing a daughter, sister, granddaughter, great-granddaughter, niece and cousin. But as you have most likely noticed, they have persevered… and they lead the push to fight for kids with cancer in Isabella’s honor. This month we will be sharing both the happy and raw times as we celebrate Isabella’s spirt and the legacy she left behind.

Just one more minute to tell her how grateful I am…

Isabella and Daddy

I wish I could say I love Father’s Day. For me, it’s simply a tough time of year. Heck, let me put it blunt… a shitty month overall.  As fast as it comes every year, I wish it would just be over with. God how I wish I could just push this dark cloud away and enjoy this time of the year. But I can’t. So many of my last memories with Isabella took place over this holiday time period. I can recall every minute of opening her last gifts to me, both at home and at Red Lobster, the last time we ever went out – her favorite restaurant in the world and she couldn’t even enjoy it. Not to mention, the endless hours of lightly scratching her back as my arm cramped up and yes, I kept on doing it no matter how much my arm hurt. What else could I do my baby girl was dying, right there in front of me.

For the sake of Sophia, Grant, (and Erin), I’ll bury it on Father’s Day. I’ll get excited when they celebrate the day, shower me with hugs and homemade surprise gifts. Oh yeah, I’ll play the part. They all deserve it. I know they love me dearly and I know I couldn’t have moved on without their love. The kids continue to love me in such unique ways. Grant is so confident and funny. He truly cracks me up on a daily basis, and I have this deep belief that we will be best friends forever. And Sophia, oh lordy, she has been my rock. She fills up my love bucket like no other. She’s hugged and kissed me through my hardest times. Not sure I’ll ever let her move out. But obviously, someone is still missing. I’m told to focus on who’s here and be appreciative but on Fathers Day, I just wish I could have one more minute with her. To tell her how grateful I am – and always be – to be her daddy.  How much I miss her hugs, laughs, her voice and her love. She made me a better person and being her dad, and with Grant’s and Phia was my greatest gift.  She taught me how to be a dad, or maybe more truthfully, she broke me in. Our memories together are not any better than others I have or will experience as a father… they were just ‘my first firsts’. Grant gets some of the firsts now, but for me, those initial 7 years were really the wonderful learning experiences and I’m changed forever.  Those will always remain my greatest father day gifts.

I know there is part of me that has changed. I am and will be slightly broken forever, but I wouldn’t take back a minute that we spent together. Not one minute of pain if it meant I would have to give one minute of happy time together. I love you each so very very much and hope to have many, more Fatherly moments together.   Love you always, daddy.”  – Isabella, Grant and Sophia’s Daddy

We can accomplish so much more if we fight cancer together.  Learn more about donating to the Isabella Santos Foundation.

She was the love of his life…

/in , , /by

June marks a significant date as it is the month that Isabella lost her fight to neuroblastoma. This year will be 5 years since we lost her to this horrible disease on June 28th, 2012. The Santos family has been through their ups and downs in dealing with losing a daughter, sister, granddaughter, great-granddaughter, niece and cousin. But as you have most likely noticed, they have persevered… and they lead the push to fight for kids with cancer in Isabella’s honor. This month we will be sharing both the happy and raw times as we celebrate Isabella’s spirt and the legacy she left behind.

She was the love of his life..

Isabella and Daddy

“Even in the end, he did all the things I couldn’t do. He chose where to take her to be cremated because I could not know where that building was located in Charlotte. He picked out the beautiful gold box she was placed in, he paid for her final resting place, he spoke with the pastor, he bathed her after she died and carried her out of our house. There are things I was not strong enough to do, but he was. He didn’t think twice about doing them because for him, it was just more ways he showed his love for her.

He hasn’t been the same since she has left us. I don’t think he has ever experienced true love like that in his life. She loved him unconditionally and he has never loved someone as much as he loved her, including me. What they had was unique and every daughter should be so lucky to have a father love her the way that he did. He would of done anything to save her and she was the love of his life.” -Isabella’s Mommy

We can accomplish so much more if we fight cancer together.  Learn more about donating to the Isabella Santos Foundation.

He never takes it for granted…

/in , , /by

June marks a significant date as it is the month that Isabella lost her fight to neuroblastoma. This year will be 5 years since we lost her to this horrible disease on June 28th, 2012. The Santos family has been through their ups and downs in dealing with losing a daughter, sister, granddaughter, great-granddaughter, niece and cousin. But as you have most likely noticed, they have persevered… and they lead the push to fight for kids with cancer in Isabella’s honor. This month we will be sharing both the happy and raw times as we celebrate Isabella’s spirt and the legacy she left behind.

He never takes it for granted…

Sophia, Grant, Isabella and Daddy

“Father’s Day is tough. I try my hardest to make the day special for Stuart. I know for me, Mother’s Day is hard and can at times be painful. I hate to have him experience the same pain. I always try to ask him what he wants to do but he answers don’t consist of much other than breakfast with the family. We do cards and gifts to tell Stuart how much we appreciate him… but it never feels like enough.

Just last night as the two of us sat at dinner alone, I asked him if he wanted to write something about Father’s Day. It’s a weird post for me to write because I’m sure I could never communicate what he is thinking. But Stuart is a talker, not a writer. He could talk for an hour about what he is feeling about Father’s Day, but cranking something out on paper just doesn’t happen easily for him.

The interesting thing he said that resonated with me was how he felt like Father’s Day is all about thanking your Father for all they do. But in fact, he doesn’t want to be thanked. Just the opposite really, he wants to say Thank you to all of us for the gift of being a Father. He said how thankful he was to be a Daddy to our kids and that is what this day means to him. It’s the best thing he has done with his life.

My kids are very lucky to have someone who considers his role a true gift and he never takes it for granted. I’m confident that our kids will always be amazing people because of Stuart’s role in their lives. You can always see the love my kids have for him in their eyes. He means the world to them all.” -Isabella’s Mommy

We can accomplish so much more if we fight cancer together.  Learn more about donating to the Isabella Santos Foundation.

Her personality would be the anchor…

/in , , /by

June marks a significant date as it is the month that Isabella lost her fight to neuroblastoma. This year will be 5 years since we lost her to this horrible disease on June 28th, 2012. The Santos family has been through their ups and downs in dealing with losing a daughter, sister, granddaughter, great-granddaughter, niece and cousin. But as you have most likely noticed, they have persevered… and they lead the push to fight for kids with cancer in Isabella’s honor. This month we will be sharing both the happy and raw times as we celebrate Isabella’s spirt and the legacy she left behind.

Her personality would be the anchor…

Isabella and Don reading the paper

“One of the most precious moments with Isabella took place prior to the cancer diagnosis. It was about a year before that terrible October. As I look back…her personality would be the anchor for her struggles later. Isabella was visiting Katherine and I in Florida while mom and dad went to a wedding and left her with us for a week. Isabella required that she sit each day at the breakfast table and read the newspaper with me and she would not want to leave my lap until I had turned all the pages. Small as she was when Katherine was making dinner, Isabella had to be a part of the process. Isabella was so young, but so engaged with us. It is impossible to imagine then what this wonderful person would be forced to endure. Her inner strength has been the touchstone for our lives since. My big consolation is she is watching over us and filling our lives with love.”  -Isabella’s Grandparents, Don & Katherine Santos

We can accomplish so much more if we fight cancer together.  Learn more about donating to the Isabella Santos Foundation.

Daddy’s home…

/in , /by

June marks a significant date as it is the month that Isabella lost her fight to neuroblastoma. This year will be 5 years since we lost her to this horrible disease on June 28th, 2012. The Santos family has been through their ups and downs in dealing with losing a daughter, sister, granddaughter, great-granddaughter, niece and cousin. But as you have most likely noticed, they have persevered… and they lead the push to fight for kids with cancer in Isabella’s honor. This month we will be sharing both the happy and raw times as we celebrate Isabella’s spirt and the legacy she left behind.

Daddy’s home…

Isabella and Daddy

“With Isabella being my first child… my favorite memories ever are around my “first time” fatherhood experiences.   When Isabella learned to speak.  When she learned to walk. Seeing her guide herself around the living room table, trying to figure out how to put one foot in front of the other were so unbelievably special for me. I was just so excited for her. I’ll never forget the dash to see who could greet me first when I walked in the door. Isabella, Grant and our lab Bailey would immediately stop what they were doing and run to hug me once Erin yelled out, “Daddy’s home”. Isabella would normally muscle out the other two to reach me first. Outside of our children’s birth, those moments in which she welcomed me home will stay with me forever and remain as some of my best moments on this earth.  I will forever hear ‘Daddy’s home” in her little voice in the back of my mind and heart.” – Isabella’s Daddy

We can accomplish so much more if we fight cancer together.  Learn more about donating to the Isabella Santos Foundation.